Torn between work and family: What’s a mom to do?
It’s been a hell of a week for me that’s why it took me ages to update this blog. Did you ever have that moment when your writing appetite just go puff because your mind is preocuppied with a whole bunch of other pressing concerns?
My hubby is on his second business trip for this month and I’m left with my 8-year-old daughter. The problem is, I have to work at night. And leaving my daughter home alone for more than eight long hours is unfathomable. You feel how I feel? You can’t imagine the many “what if” scenarios I have in my already paranoid mind. What’s a mom to do?
Hoping to juggle both work and family, I brought my daughter along with me to my workplace for three nights under my boss’s permission. Our workplace has a resting area where there’s a comfy bed that my daughter could sleep on while I work. It also has a pantry full of snacks that my daughter enjoyed gobbling before going to bed. There’s also a cable TV for her to watch until she dozes off. Generally, she enjoyed our 3-day routine. She loved my workplace.
It was the best option I had on those nights…but not tonight. Tonight I’m looking at my daughter sprawled in bed so early, looking so tired. I know as a mom, she’s affected by the set up. I feel mad at myself. Although my daughter was too eager to come with me to work for the past three days (It made her feel she was working too and it excited her a lot), I don’t think she should be dragged into this. So tonight, I’m taking a leave of absence. My daughter deserves better. She’s my priority. We’re both staying home and she gets enough rest.
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May 8th, 2009 10:42 pm
I understand what it is like.
Being a mum is something that you cannot ignore, and of course children should come first. I have denied and lost quite some nice jobs because of being a mum. But then what? It’s not like you can quit working.
So you juggle your whole life around kids and work and there is not much else left. Very often you stand for the choice between your kid and your boss and unfortunately the kid is often the most understanding towards your situation.
What about you? Is there any time left for just you? Without kids and bosses? Don’t forget yourself. Take a break when hubby gets back!
May 8th, 2009 11:57 pm
It’s tough to do it alone. I’ve been through those business trips and having to do it alone. You boss sounds very supportive allowing you to bring your daughter to work. A lot of bosses wouldn’t allow it.
It’s hard to balance, because you need to work to pay the bills but you also need to be there for your kids.
I think you made the right decision about your daughter.
May 9th, 2009 4:35 am
It sounds like you are making the right choice. Family should come first.
May 9th, 2009 6:12 am
Isn’t there someone who could help you out? Mom, sister, cousins? If not, and you have room, you may want to see about trading a room for someone to be in the home at night. You would need to screen them (credit report, background check, etc.), but it might work out for you. Good places to find help is a local college that has early child development classes. You could help out a student and yourself.
Good luck and take time for yourself as Suzanne stated above.
May 9th, 2009 6:50 am
Thanks a lot for your comments.I’m really touched and I really appreciate ya’ll.
Suzanne - thanks for the concern.i always make it a point that i get enough rest during my days off.my hubby understands how hard it is for me that’s why he’s not requiring me to work.but i wanna add to the family’s income for more savings and better financial security. This June,I intend to go part-time (if not stop) because I need to send and fetch my kid to school.
Maria - yes,i’m so lucky to have a very supportive boss.i can’t find anyone like him,i guess.
Laura - yes you’re definitely right, family should come first.
CyberCelt - unfortunately, we don’t have relatives around here.i also don’t intend to get a new nanny (she’s had 7 nannies since birth) after she got traumatized by the last one.and my hubby definitely wouldn’t allow strangers (meaning non-relatives) to stay in our house.sigh.i really wish my parents or any of my relatives were just close by.but they’re an air travel away. =(
May 9th, 2009 11:09 am
oh life, if only we could control time.
May 9th, 2009 7:31 pm
Your title “what’s a mom to do” - we do what we always do, what’s best for our kids. I remember those days so well, guilty going to work instead of the class school trip, guilty when you do the trip and don’t go to work. Damned if we do and damned when we don’t. Thank goodness tomorrow’s Mother’s Day, another day that our children grow up, leave home, have their own children and do exactly what we did.
May 10th, 2009 2:44 am
I was a single mom for three years, so I know exactly what you are talking about. It was very hard. Your kids come first, and that is the best choice.
May 10th, 2009 7:13 am
thanks for the comment at my blog. i guess i will send u the link. just check ur email later.
May 10th, 2009 9:41 am
You’re doing a great job and making the best decisions. I know it’s hard, but we - as moms - have to follow our instincts. You were right not to leave her home overnight and also right to take the time off. Have a great Mother’s Day.
May 10th, 2009 11:46 am
You did the right thing by staying with your daughter, she what’s most important.
May 10th, 2009 6:13 pm
Hi Rochelle! Just wanna greet you happy mother’s day today!
May 11th, 2009 11:24 am
Hi Rochelle, happy Mother’s Day. You are such a thoughtful mom, and I believe you made the right choice of staying with your daughter for the night, though the opportunity you gave her to experience sleeping at workplace is something that probably also taught her some lessons and opened her to a new aspect of life, but like you said, dragging her every night may not work for her best and I admire you for listening to your mother’s calling.
May 11th, 2009 12:09 pm
That’s a good thing that you can bring your daughter to work. That was tough but that’s what makes Moms like you a special person above everyone else.
Have a great day!
May 12th, 2009 6:23 am
Life can be real tough at times. I am so thankful that we get to take care of our grand daughter. Her mom works crazy hours and I doubt she could even get a sitter. She spends a lot of time here. Sometimes six days a week. She is a four year old that gives us a lot of joy. I am sorry for your troubles and hard decisions. Keep the faith.
Thanks for visiting Grampys place.