Femme Power

Much has been said about the joys and pains of motherhood but I think the gist is this - it’s no picnic.

Yes, raising a child in his or her growing up years is far from being a walk in the park. Yet, it can be fun.

Being a mom of an active 7-year old girl, I’m learning a lot from experience though I could use a little help from parenting books and mags if only I have one.

To those first-time moms like me who are into self-help formulas, I’m sharing my own learnings that could be just as handy for you too.

Reward and punishment

This classic rule still works wonders.

At an early age, let your kid understand that actions have respective consequences. This way, you are introducing the values of responsibility and accountability.

One time, I had a pact with my daughter that if she does well in school (passing grades were all I asked for) I would treat her to Jollibee. She got excited about the reward and gave me more than what I bargained for - she placed 2nd in the honor roll! So I gave her extra too, her favorite rides in the mall.

One day, I gave her P20 as baon to school but our agreement was that she could spend only half of it. The other half was meant for the next day. If she’d spend all of it, she wouldn’t have baon the next day. Well, she spent all her P20 and suffered the consequences. At least she learned her lesson and didn’t do it again.

Disciplining in public

Kids who misbehave, unknowingly or on purpose, should not be reprimanded in front of an audience. It’s counter-productive. Chances are, they’d feel humiliated and resentful. End results would likely be resilience and rebellion. Instead, talk to the child alone and tell her what her behavior is causing. Ask her too if she wants to convey something. Teach her how to behave well and why. You’ll be surprised, your child will listen to you when she sees that you’re willing to listen to her woes.

Don’t be biased

Just this morning, my hubby accidentally dropped his plate and spilled his meal on the floor. I quickly said I’d clean it up. Then my 7-year old daughter asked me why her daddy doesn’t get a spank for spilling his food. Would I not spank her too if it was her who did it?

Honestly she got me there. At the back of my mind I would have spanked her. I realized I was biased afterall.

I gathered myself and told her that there are no punishments for acts that were not done on purpose.

Read, learn, teach

Kids have the tendency to ask a lot especially WHY’s so be ready to supply the answer. Kids normally look up to us adults like we know everything there is to learn about the world. They expect us to provide answers to their questions from simple vocabulary to the complexities of Science.

Better be armed than embarassed. Though we can’t expect ourselves to be walking encylopedias, it’ll help a lot to read or watch informative TV programs. During free time, I browse my daughter’s enclopedia and Discovery Channel book series. This way I could answer her curiosity about tsunami, the animal kingdom and the universe, among others.

But it’s more fun whenever we read and learn together.

Marshmallow test

Patience is a virtue that I never had. So I make sure that my child doesn’t grow up to be as impatient as I am because I know the ill effects of it.

To do this, my hubby and I train our Bianca to budget her 1-week supply of baon (usually cupcakes). If she can’t wait to devour some of them at home, her baon would not suffice for the whole week so there would be days when she wouldn’t have baon in school. Hence, she doesn’t consume them until it’s time.

Let them be kids

Don’t be afraid to let them bathe in the rain, play in the sand, or ride a bike. Kids learn to socialize through interaction with others especially their playmates. They learn to be leaders and followers through the games they play. In playing, they learn to analyze and create strategies to win. They learn confidence, sportsmanship, teamwork and trust.

Most of all, they learn that it’s normal to stumble, to lose and get hurt. At the same time, they learn that it’s important to stand up again, understand what made them lose, and play again - this time, better. Because in reality, that’s life.

So don’t cuddle them too much nor confine them inside the house with no social life.

Help them get a life this early.

We’ve all been kids too. We’ve been there, done that.

As a child, I always wondered why Yaya Adiang loved to pinch me whenever I was playing. I only got the chance to ask her when our paths crossed again when I was a teenager. She said I always got pricked because I loved to get myself dirty by playing in the sand. Wait, I was only playing! I just laughed and told her that I didn’t know what she was angry about so I kept on getting myself “dirty.” Afterall, in my eyes as a child, I was only playing.

We know how it feels to be out in the fields running and laughing with friends. We also know how it feels to be isolated at home.

Our kids deserve to learn about life not just from books but from real experiences as well. It could mean extra work for us (monitoring, counselling, extra laundry, etc) but so long as we’re raising them to become better individuals, it pays.

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